El Gordo

The Assclown's wife, an otherwise lovely woman, thinks it's cute to call me "Fat Boy." Because she's French it comes out kinda "Fat-uh Boy," with a strong "B." I let it go, because I figure she obviously suffers from horrific judgement or a soul-crushing self-esteem problem. In any event she needs our love, not scorn.

Well in my absence, if she really just felt compelled to call someone Fat-uh Boy, maybe she should've watch Bartolo "Do These Double-Knits Make My Ass Look Ginormous" Colon spit the bit this afternoon. 6 runs on 8 hits and 6 walks in 5-and-2/3 innings. Zounds! Mme. Assclown woulda been screaming "Fat-uh Boy" all day. I can only guess Bartolo was in a hurry because China Panda in downtown LA has an all-you-can-eat early bird buffet special.

Melvin Mora, whose production both on and off the field mysteriously sky-rocketed in 2001, led the assault with 2 hits and 3 RBI. His solo shot in the first put O's ahead for good as Colon was torn between wathcing his fielders fruitlessly chase line drives and watching the opposition saunter down to first.