Motherfucker!

Bud Selig has just had his stewardship extended by three years. If you have any doubts about what hack douche bag Selig is, you only need to know that the new contract was passed unanimously by the owners.

My contempt for this man is so great the phrase "war criminal" keeps popping into my head as I sit here. I know it's a bit strong and entirely inappropriate, but these are the feelings the man brings out in me.

His inability to find a home for the Montreal Expos is maddening. This once proud franchise, destroyed beyond repair by the very labor strife that brought Selig to power, has been languishing in a morass of underfunding, indecision and a lack of a teevee deal in English. God bless Omar Minaya, if I were in his shoes they'd need the jaws of life to get my hands off of Bud's neck. Bartolo Colon, Carl Pavano, Michael Barret, Cliff Floyd,Orlando Cabrera, Vladimir Guerrero? Good bye! Having the other 29 teams own the Expos is akin to Michael Powell having FOX, ABC, CBS and NBC own CNN until a permanent owner can be found. But Bud has a long and comfortable history with conflicts of interests, doesn't he?


Trying to take down the Twinkies? Fuck you, Bud. Fuck you. Any sensible contraction plan starts in the great state of Wisconsin, you fucking hypocrite. There are billions of people around the globe who think "brewer" is Englich for "moribund franchise."


Remember when he borrowed all that money from Jerry Colangelo? That was cool right? I mean what could possibly be wrong with Rupert Murdoch lending Michael Powell a few million? That'd be OK, wouldn't it? But that's not a fair comparison, is it? No, because Bud owns a FUCKING BASEBALL TEAM, too. All those grimaces and looks of confusion? Those are facial exercises he does to stifle the gales of maniacal laughter.

Bud, listen up. Let me drop a little science on your ass. You need to go. Now. I had the idea for the Baseball Network ten years ago. It's so obvious it shouldn't even count as an idea, for Christ's sakes. Congress needs to take away your precious little exemption and make you assholes start acting like grown ups who live in a world of consequences. Please, 154 games, the season's too fucking long, everybody would appreciate this. DH or no DH, one or the other, not both. No more astroturf, it's a sin against man and God. Get rid of the body armor, too. And make the umps call the strike zone. And take a look at Bill James' ideas about rule modifications that no one would see, notice or care about that would help the game. Please get rid of inter-league, too, it's ugly and messy and makes the wild card race even more inequitable.

I could sit here for days banging this shit out. Instead, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette.