The Captain

Why is he called the Captain? It's short for Captain Furious. Why is he called Captain Furious? He suffers from the worst case of road rage in America. He also suffers from office rage, bar rage, couch rage, bed rage and a bunch of other rages of which you and I can only dream.

C'mon! How bad can the road rage be? He just called me from a gas station (day 6 of not working his desk job because of a "shoulder injury") and as he's standing there pumping gas he lowers the receiver on his phone and I hear him shout, "Nice fuckin' driving, Asshole!"

That's right, he's yelling at motorists from a gas station. Don't worry, though, he's taking steroids for his shoulder, so everything's gonna be just fine.