Man-child in the Promised Land

The good lord imbues each of us with a certain amount of talent. Within most of us, that talent is spread over a few different disciplines. God gave Manny Ramirez a ton of talent and it's all focused on beating the horsehide like it owes him money. This weekend Manny went 6-for-12, 3 home runs, 2 walks, 4 runs and 11 RBI.

Last night's game was what is known colloquially as a "barn burner." After staking D-Lowe to a four-run lead, the Sox stood helplessly by as Lowe surrendered a three-run bomb to Paul Konerko in the fifth, shaving the lead to one. Two innings later, the Sox still leading 5-4, was one of the most dynamic four-pitch sequences I've ever seen. Let's make visits, pitch-by-pitch, around the country as the drama unfurled...

Oregon - As Lowe deals to Carlos Lee, who reaches down and launches it into the seats giving Chicago its first lead of the game, 5-4, the UrClown pumps his fist gleefully and mutters something akin to "Ha! Fuck you, FatMan."

Brooklyn - Curtis Leskanic, in to relieve Lowe, gets Konerko to ground out to Strollin' Mark Bellhorn. FatMan and Frankenpunk, first roll their eyes and then their cigarettes, in silence.

Houston - As Manny tattoos Garcia's first offering into the left-center seats, Lisa hides her smile by wiping the bbq sauce off her chin. Oscar raises a suspicious brow, convinced she's having impure thoughts about Mike Cameron again.

Chicago - Shouts of "Motherfucker!" can be heard through the thin walls of Seitz's apartment as the Cookie Monster punishes Damaso Marte's opening salvo and the Red Sox take the lead for good, 6-5.

Four pitches, three home runs, two lead changes. Wow.


But as Manny giveth, so he can taketh away. With one out and Roberto Alomar on first, Ben Davis launched a lazy fly ball to left field. Manny drifted back, realizing he needed to come back in, he planted his foot, which promptly slipped out from under him. As Manny went down to a three-point stance the ball flew just over his outstretched glove. And with that, Chicago had runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out. Fortunately Mike Timlin was able to put away pinch hitters Ross Gload and Timo Perez without further incident.

Between innings ESPN's camera caught Manny and Kevin Millar in a laughing, suspiciously long embrace. Manny then stood back, and with a huge grin on his face mimed firing a rifle. Joe Morgan explained to the viewers at home "The reason Manny did that is because he is explaining what happened on Davis' fly ball, and ballplayers have a saying, 'the rug got shot out from under me.'" This proves one of two things, both of which I've suspected for some time, now:

1) Baseball players are stupid

-or-

2) Joe Morgan is an Assclown


In any event, the important thing to remember is that the Sox are still on top of the wild card heap and are now only 5 1/2 back of the Yankees, thanks to the efforts of the Anaheim Angels, who like their Boston brethren, swept a three-game series on the road this weekend.