Someone's Cranky
Bill Seitz is beside himself...
Bill is in no postion to be the arbitor on this issue. Bill knows gobs about the sport, this much is plain. On a pure baseball-knowledge level he is certainly qualified. But Bill is also of that unique demographic outside the rivaly that is predisposed to hating the Nation: The Angels Fan.
What's so unique about the Angels fan, you ask? Let's look at the Sox playoff record since 1918, the year the Sox last won the World Series:
During the first 15 years of the World Series play the Red Sox managed to win 5 championshps. Over the ensuing 85 years of what could fairly be described as futility, the Red Sox have appeared in 14 playoff series against 7 different teams, with a winning percentage of .431. During that time the Angels are the only team in baseball with a losing playoff record against the Red Sox, but not only that, they are also the only team in baseball to have never defeated the Red Sox in a postseason series.
They have achieved this twin distinction by two very different routes. In 1986, after going up 3-1, they managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as they lost the next three games. Then, just last week, they were swept by the Sox in series during which they were ahead for a grand total of 1/2 inning.
Further, with the exception of the Baltimore Orioles in 1979, the Red Sox are the only team to beat the Angels in the playoffs.
So you see, the Nation is the only franchise in baseball that the Sox can safely mock. Is it any wonder Bill hates us?
Earlier today my phone here at work rang, I answered with my standard desk-cog greeting and instead of hearing a live voice on the other end of the line I heard the following…
This can only be the work of one man, The Weave. Nobody else I know has the time, inclination, library and technology to perpetrate such a shenanigan. What makes this all the more amazing is he lives in Paris, the call alone probably cost him $5.
My response, via e-mail, subject heading: "I can only assume it was you."
Yeah, Bill, I’m the insufferable asshole.
Yankees fans are insufferable, but they're gonna be that way whether they win or not. I'm used to them winning, and I've learned to deal with it. Sox fans are insufferable, too, but I just see it going to a whole new level of obnoxiousness if they ever win, which is tough to fathom. I just don't think I could handle that.
In essence, if the Yankees win, nothing changes. But if the Sox win, my faith in a higher power will be completely destroyed.
That goes for the Cubs, too. Individual exceptions aside, you'd think that two franchises that hadn't won anything in 85 years wouldn't be capable of producing such assholes for fans, but....
Oh, no offense, Scott.
Bill is in no postion to be the arbitor on this issue. Bill knows gobs about the sport, this much is plain. On a pure baseball-knowledge level he is certainly qualified. But Bill is also of that unique demographic outside the rivaly that is predisposed to hating the Nation: The Angels Fan.
What's so unique about the Angels fan, you ask? Let's look at the Sox playoff record since 1918, the year the Sox last won the World Series:
Opponent W L W%
New York Yankees 8 4 .692
Cleveland 8 4 .667
Oakland 10 6 .625
St Louis 8 6 .571
Cincinatti 4 3 .571
New York Mets 4 3 .571
Anaheim Angels 3 7 .300
Total 45 33 .577
During the first 15 years of the World Series play the Red Sox managed to win 5 championshps. Over the ensuing 85 years of what could fairly be described as futility, the Red Sox have appeared in 14 playoff series against 7 different teams, with a winning percentage of .431. During that time the Angels are the only team in baseball with a losing playoff record against the Red Sox, but not only that, they are also the only team in baseball to have never defeated the Red Sox in a postseason series.
They have achieved this twin distinction by two very different routes. In 1986, after going up 3-1, they managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as they lost the next three games. Then, just last week, they were swept by the Sox in series during which they were ahead for a grand total of 1/2 inning.
Further, with the exception of the Baltimore Orioles in 1979, the Red Sox are the only team to beat the Angels in the playoffs.
So you see, the Nation is the only franchise in baseball that the Sox can safely mock. Is it any wonder Bill hates us?
Earlier today my phone here at work rang, I answered with my standard desk-cog greeting and instead of hearing a live voice on the other end of the line I heard the following…
Michael Buffer – “Let’s get ready to rrrrrummmmmmmmm-bulllllllllllllll!
John Sterling, Yankee radio announcer – “It is high…. It is deep… it is… GONE! Bernie Williams with a home run to deep center field and the Yankees win! Th-uhhhhhh YANK-EES WIN! Bern baby, bern! Bern baby, bern!”
A Donald Duck-like voice – “Oh, yeah, that’s it… that feels good…. A little faster… Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy? Oh, yeah…”
John Sterling – “Aaron Boone lifts a drive down the leftfield line… and it’s GONE! The Yankees win! Th-uhhhhhh YANK-EES WIN! The Yankees are going the World Series for the 39th time!”
A Donald Duck-like voice – “Oh, yeah, that’s it… that feels good…. A little faster… Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy? Oh, yeah…”
Then an old-timey, 40’s-era Yankee fight song.
This can only be the work of one man, The Weave. Nobody else I know has the time, inclination, library and technology to perpetrate such a shenanigan. What makes this all the more amazing is he lives in Paris, the call alone probably cost him $5.
My response, via e-mail, subject heading: "I can only assume it was you."
Well played.
I want you to know that I listened to whole thing and that I take that insanely elaborate assault on my psyche as an expression of both your affection for me and your deep, deep, well-founded fear of my nine.
xo,
FM
Yeah, Bill, I’m the insufferable asshole.
4 Comments:
how are you so sure it was "the Weave"?
too much imagination for bill?
lisa
p.s. GO CURT!!!!! remember 2001!!! and no soriano, either.....
Did you miss the part where I called Yankees fans assholes, too?
And it has nothing to do with '86 and '04. My dad grew up a Red Sox fan (in Montana, no less), and while he'll root for the Angels over the Sox nowadays, he's still a Sox fan, and I still grew up rooting for them to do well in the AL East.
I didn't really start to hate the Red Sox until their incessant whining on Primer finally got to me. At first I felt some sympathy for them. I mean, I know if my team had gone 85 years without winning anything, I'd probably take it hard, too. But they just kept whining, and whining, and whining. Then Bill Simmons came along with a slew of simply ridiculous statements about all things Boston, and that pretty much did it. Crap about Isiah Thomas being overrated. I hate the Pistons, but that's just stupid. Also, my buddy, who I really like a lot, is a real prich when it comes to sports, and since I figure he's the prototypical Boston fan, well, that was the final nail. Ya know, the guy who gets free tickets to see his team play on the road, then makes a total ass of himself. You're a Sox fan living in another city. You know what I'm talking about.
So basically, while I hate the Yankees, a lot, it would probably piss me off the least if they won. Or maybe the Astros, but Lisa's really pusing it. So yeah, go Yankees. Nothing would please me more than another 85 years without a WS Championship in Boston.
prich=prick
Thank god somebody gets it!
Seeing the Red Sox trash invade Camden Yards (a group far, far worse than the Yanquis), and even as Baltimore wins the season series, these guys go on and on and on about the magnitude of their own suffering.
Sorry, did a 12-year-old create a phantom home run ball in your series?
Did you lose because of an umpire's lousy call?
Did one of your own fans affect the outcome?
No to all.
Every single Sox meltdown has been caused, finally, by a Red Sox--talking Johnny Pesky on down.
Enough already.
Quit being victims. Baltimore has sucked for seven years, and you guys still haven't been able to dislodge the Yanks from first place. The window is closing, but y'all will no doubt continue to whine.
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